Slightly Askew

-Pick up baker's rack from store and assemble
-reorganize dvd's
-clean up office
-sweep
-clean bathroom
-grocery shopping
-brownies!
-light bulb in kitchen
-redo wiring to light switch in bathroom to work PROPERLY
-school stuff: redo residency for cheaper tuition, apply for nursing officially, pay for spring
-laundry
-pay overdue fines at library, check out some books
-acquire flogging molly tix
-clean out fridge
-clean + vacuum car interior
-get car fixed
-call/contact local rescues about crazy dog yoda.
-actually use yoga dvd from last christmas
-actually quit smoking
-plan out christmas gifts-and shop-ugh.
-cookie recipes!
-set up and learn to use sewing machine...
-actually use olive garden giftcard
-stand mixer
-plan and actually save for new tattoo
-get bras that fit so i can throw out evil torture instruments

now to actually hold myself to getting things done...

sick as fuck and can hardly breathe, but at least that means i haven't had a cigarette in three days... if i weren't so exhausted and crappy feeling maybe i'd actually want one right now but as long as i can hold out once i'm better i'm on the right track. finally. i just need to clean out and febreze the fuck out of my car before my 4 hour drive wednesday and i may actually stand a chance

had to leave work halfway through yesterday because the kitchen heat and steam combined with the upper respiratory part of this lovely illness made me have an asthma attack. a pretty severe one, which scared the fuck out of me as my inhaler was at home instead of in my purse as it should be. not to mention i really need a new inhaler soon as it should have run out already but miraculously still works.

so i took off work today entirely when the respiratory part had gotten worse to avoid the asthma issue altogether. now my main worry will be rent this month after losing out on at least $100 combined pay between the two days. so no matter how i feel tomorrow i have to work. scary considering how hard breathing is right now and i essentially haven't left bed all day except to get more food, water, mucinex, or shower. and hopefully work isn't mad at me considering there's no way in hell i'll be producing a doctor's excuse since i can't afford a fucking doctor.

and on top of all this, have to drive home, wasting more money on gas, for fucking thanksgiving. i hate the holidays. of course if i haven't gotten any better by wednesday i'm calling mom to tell her i'm not coming. i am that much of an asshole. although at least i talked mom into just letting us all go to cracker barrel for thanksgiving since it's just me, her, and my sister this year, because i honestly hate thanksgiving dinner. not a fan of turkey or any of the traditional sides really, usually end up eating rolls and sweet potato casserole and starving all day anyways.... not my fav holiday. add in the football and i really despise it, but no one in my immediate family is into that, thank god.

actually, we're supposed to go see New Moon together Thursday. Lame, I know, but I'm a sucker for the books. too bad the movies only have eye candy appeal working for them... And I haven't been to a movie theater since harry potter came out so that in itself is exciting

Once again playing the "how long can i go without a cigarette?" game. No fun. except this time i have no money to buy a pack until i get to server job and make money which I will then probably spend on cigarettes... Hopefully not though. If I can not buy cigarettes (and not go out drinking for at least a week or two to help curb the nicotine craving and save some money), I would be RICH!

Okay, not rich, but doing a lot better. That and after a day of no cigarettes my chronic sinus yuck has significantly decreased in severity. Which is awesome. I'll have to keep that in mind when I'm at work dealing with people and my body is screaming.


I don't know. For some reason I think I can do this.

Now if only I could actually finish cleaning the house instead of deep cleaning half of it then leaving the rest to its messy ways. Hopefully that will be something I can channel the urge to smoke into as a lameass substitute. Right now I've just been going candy crazy. Which won't help my waistline at all... Which brings me back to the I've been meaning to exercise more and quit smoking all damn year thing. God i'm a slackass.

woohoo!

Paycheck actually covers all of rent this time, bills are paid, thus leaving me server money to spend how I choose. Going to try to put at least half to credit card, save a little for xmas gifts, and buy myself a new tattoo!! finally. only been waiting like 3 years to be able to afford it. now to finalize plans. so many ideas, but it's pretty easy to sort through and pick out the ones that would actually be in an affordable range for me. which will still only narrow down the choosing a bit...

Making stir fry with beef, random froz stir fry veg, and bok choy from the CSA tonight as well as probably some apple crisp (have entire bag of apples given to us by james's mom) and zucchini bread... oh, and popcorn cake which is basically a giant bundt cake-shaped popcorn rice krispie treat with M&m's and peanuts in it.

Besides the fact that this will all be quite labor intensive for me, I'm excited.

-Now that I have money, get bra that fits! (haven't done this yet partially because of money, and partially because I've gained enough weight -and boobs!- in the past two years to have absolutely no idea what size to get, which means I have to go be awkward and actually get fitted for one) so planning to actually use the victoria's secret free panty coupon (and $10 off a bra) that i normally just throw away because i'm not all that into decorative undies (unless they have skulls or spiders on them or something equally ridiculous and childish)
-Get an advisor! this involves actually driving to tech's campus on my day off instead of lingering around the couch area all day
-Decide which job to tell to fuck off when I go back to school in january (difficult since I've worked out a deal with my dad to borrow tuition and rent money from him rent-free so i'm actually more tempted to drop the kitchen job and just wait tables, but i don't know if the lack of spending money from doing that will help me study and focus as intended or just make me go crazy)
-Get a haircut! A real, actual haircut done by a professional, not my drunk friend tommy with a pair of sewing shears
-Set the dentist appointment that Mom offered to pay for
-Replace all dog-chewed and falling apart and/or too-small underwear and bras
-Rifle through closet and identify clothes that are never going to fit again for Goodwill-donating purposes
-shopping? on a small scale... need more pants and shirts that are reasonable in size/fit. for some reason i own a lot of baby tees that no longer reach my waist.

Watching Jesus Camp and just pondering for one the logical failings of evangelical Christians (or complete dismissal of logic in favor of "faith" instead) as well as the apparent failings of our healthcare system to diagnose and treat mental health issues. These people are seriously disturbing.

I'm actually really excited about one thing today: it was the pickup day for my weekly share from this CSA I joined this fall. Today I got 2 ears of sweet corn, an ear of popping corn, enough fresh green beans for 2 full servings as a side, arugula, brassica mix (random greens), turnips (greens and all), an acorn squash, a small pumpkin, a huge zucchini, and a medium size eggplant.

I think I actually have plans for most of the veggies already. Tonight I'm making a turkey soup with all the greens in it, plus some chickpeas, andouille sausage, the turnips, garlic, onion, and some seasonings... sort of playing around with it, trying to go mostly cajun-style with the seasonings because the idea of spicy turkey and sausage soup appeals to me. right now I just sauteed off the garlic and onion, added a bunch of water, brought it to a boil and stuck a turkey breast in there to basically make stock first. Once that's cooked, going to pull it out, shred up the meat, put that back in, and figure out what's up with the rest of the soup concept. Really excited about this one, I think it should be pretty badass, and enough for James and I to eat all week plus freeze some.

The arugula I think i'm going to make a pesto from and have pasta with feta and some romas maybe. Vegetarian nights appeal to me every once in awhile.

The pumpkin I have already roasted in the oven, need to gut it, save all the seeds for yumminess, and I'm gonna make pumpkin spiced milkshakes because it just sounds fun and I have no idea what else to do.

Zucchini is getting combined with the zucchini I got from the CSA last week to make a couple of loaves of zucchini bread for yummy breakfasting (and general snacking) all week.

That leaves corn, green beans and the squash to be served as random sides, and eggplant to I suppose make eggplant parm, as I tried making baba ganoush last week and the recipe I had could definitely use tweaking (it was good, but not like wow you good. i want my baba ganoush to be like...orgasmically good.) so instead i'll just bread it and go italian-style this week. still 8 more weeks of CSA and there's bound to be more eggplant coming :-P


The really exciting part is that it equals out to $20/week for organic, extremely local produce and I at least feel like I'm getting something healthy and a solid excuse to play around in the kitchen. Plus I *never* get produce that's beyond your average salad ingredients, so it's fun to figure out how to use it all up

1. took James to pay to get his car un-booted. no parking at the building. forgot my cell phone at home so apparently missed james calling multiple times because he needed to put his keychain flashlight in my car because security wouldn't let him take it in the building. (after making him go through all that, it turned out you don't need to go through the security check to pay a parking ticket after all :-P)
2. almost got hit by idiot driving Hummer in downtown traffic
3. almost hit idiot pulling halfway into the road to "stop" at a stop sign
4. apparently forgot to put trash out again, second week in a row, garbage guys are going to hate us next week
5. still need to go to verizon and pick up replacement to broken phone which is hopefully instore this time instead of being mailed to an address that is no longer listed on my account!!
6. hungover from last night and i only had 3 beers. must remember that while the taste of hoppy beers pleases me, they wreak havoc on my sinuses the next day and should probably be avoided

That being said, at least the dogs were good while I was gone. I may really have lost it if the trash were strewn about the house again.

Done with the final! And incredibly hungover as the first thing I did upon finishing headache-inducing organic chemistry exam was make a beeline to the bar.

Hopefully I did well enough to not have to take it again. That's all I ask at this point.

Somehow my sister convinced my dad to replace my falling apart laptop for me with a new Macbook, which is odd since when I was actually in school he didn't pay for my computer. She has some sort of magic with him that I never could understand.

It's been fun getting used to the subtle differences in very simple tasks on a mac, but mainly it's nice to be able to use enter. And to be able to actually carry my laptop around and not worry about the screen deciding it wants to break the rest of its hinges.

Supposed to be studying right now, switched shifts with someone at work so I could have time to study today, but so far have managed to complete my postlab and realize that without coffee, I stand no chance of being able to read a chemistry text and stay awake now. Going to the kitchen to make coffee resulted in unloading and reloading the dishwasher and, having finally discovered the bottom of the sink, scouring it with Comet and spraying down with bleach to sanitize since the dishes have been sitting in there all week waiting for James to do them. I almost started scouring the rest of the kitchen surfaces with Comet, but then I realized the coffee had been ready for awhile and that I was using clean freak tendencies as a perfect excuse to procrastinate.

Having a nice new hard drive with plenty of extra space means I've been on a downloading spree of late, between picking out certain freeware programs I can't live without and getting a shit ton of movies to entertain myself with and assist in further procrastinating on studying.

I'm almost done with this class anyways. Not that it's time to stop expending effort just yet; I have an exam today, a lab practical thursday, and a final on tuesday and I have no idea what's going on with the last 4 chapters of material covered in class. Time to buckle down and drink my coffee (with hot cocoa mix in it, we have no milk and that was the closest thing I could find to creamer) and hopefully this stuff will start making sense.

So by some miracle I am doing ok in Organic Chemistry. So far I have failed every single quiz, but that's only 5% of the grade, and I have an A average so far for my test average and until this week had managed to not slack off too much on the lab reports, so I may actually be able to survive this with a high B. Or an A, but let's not kid ourselves here, I am a total slacker. Well, I actually do want to try to study more and actually make an A in this class just to prove to myself I can, but unfortunately I have this tendency to fall asleep after work when I am trying to get studying done. The side effect of a physically demanding job in combination with the fact that chemistry is boring.

Essentially I'm doing well, besides the continual struggle to balance bill-paying and actually getting to eat (although I've found that by never going out and sitting at home drinking PBR in cans and making elaborate homemade meals I can actually put money back into my savings account which has been very meager for quite some time). This, I'm sure, is a problem not unfamiliar to most of my friends, since I only know of 3 of my friends from college who have actually taken that degree and gone on to a semi-successful, well-paying job. The rest of us are F&B lackies or severely underpaid office help.

Unfortunately the never going out thing is driving me crazy bit by bit, especially since James and I have completely opposite schedules right now so I'm usually home alone, cooking, cleaning, studying, whathaveyou, with no one to talk to but my dogs.

And I do talk to the dogs. Frequently.

Current projects I want to get started on:

Refinish and decoupage up the free, beaten up end table in our living room
Set up and learn to use sewing machine (first project: curtains)
Start indoor garden (just some herbs and things to make my real cooking cheaper)
Refurbish some old clothes that do not fit into other items that will fit
Actually watch (and hopefully by extension, do) the yoga dvd my mother gave me for christmas
Quit smoking!!! (I was doing well on this for awhile, but the chemistry got to me...time for round 2 of stop wasting shittons of money on something that's horrible for me anyways)
Read a book a week (or at least as close to this as I can manage with school and work)

Normally I am not into mayonnaise based things like this, but I had leftover baked chicken breasts from a random meal and decided to make chicken salad because, well, it sounded more interesting than just reheating plain chicken.

So vague recipe for the goodness
Diced chicken (3-4 breasts)
~1/2 c mayo
~1 1/2 tbsp dijon mustard
~1/2 c (2 good-sized handfuls) craisins
small can (i think it's 10 oz?) mandarin oranges
1/2 c. toasted chopped walnuts
1-2 stalks celery, diced
1/2 red onion, diced
salt and pepper to taste
dill and rosemary to taste


Honestly I know it's just chicken salad but it turned out pretty good and at least wasn't the standard or the standard plus red grapes which I'm really not into even if most people I know's moms make it taste pretty damn good for being chicken mayonnaise and grapes.

and I know that isn't really all that interesting but besides study lots of organic chemistry and make other weird combinations of things in my kitchen cabinet as a way to entertain myself and prevent wasting money at the grocery store when I still technically have plenty of food (just nothing I want to eat), I really haven't done anything this week.

Except remember the line break html tag which has been essential in making this entry not a giant block of text since my enter key is still missing.

Have currently been doing organic chemistry-related bullshit since around 4 this afternoon, with some breaks for talking to boyfriend and friend shannon about their bizarre photography projects, smoking cigarettes i didn't really want or need because it was more tempting than looking at more functional groups i need to memorize for my quiz, punishing chewy who tore apart the trash while james, shannon, and i were outside smoking -the other dog was in his crate so he wouldn't eat shannon and therefore definitely not the trash-eater this time....

So basically just spent 10 hours on two lab reports and "studying" and have really only succeeded in making flash cards of what i need to study and finishing the lab reports (that part is good, as they're both due tomorrow). And i have to work at 10:30 in the morning, can't sleep, and assume i will just be up trying to make the review/intro chapter of the book (basic freshman chemistry part) make sense again so i can progress to actually reading and doing problems from the chapter we're actually on. Luckily tomorrow night's class is only the third so I'm not too far behind, I'm just at a disadvantage to the other students who mostly look like they're not too far off from being college freshmen and basically should remember more chemistry than i do at this point.

i'd forgotten how long it really has been since i took chemistry, and how bad i really was at actually DOING chemistry versus making educated guesses on the departmental (read: multiple choice) tests that clemson had for all chemistry courses. i have a lot of catching up to do if i want to actually do well in this course (and understand enough to also be able to do well in the second semester organic)

Work at least is going well :) Probably not so great tomorrow when I'm sleep-deprived and busy at lunch rush, but it beats the hell out of organic chem.

Edit: Forgot the somewhat embarrassing sidenote that I got caught by the organic prof having a panic attack about what an idiot I am at chemistry in the stairwell on the way to our lab last Thursday and then had to explain to him,whilst crying and gasping for air, that Chemistry was exactly what was making me the big ball of crazy that I was exhibiting. Very much looking forward to seeing him again. Not.

+Found job closer to home with better pay -still have no enter key +got signed up for organic chemistry at tech -feel like making a step in the responsible direction is also choosing to ignore my more creative ideas for career advancement +working on the quitting smoking resolution finally with some resolve -am working on quitting smoking and therefore very neurotic and easy to annoy = generally decent time in my life right now trying to get out of feeling of stagnant laziness

so, going to be working on going back to school, but in addition to the hinge on the screen to my laptop breaking, apparently keys are coming off the keyboard as well. already missing enter, pg up, home (i think? can't even remember what keys were there and honestly wouldn't care about any of them if my enter key weren't gone) .... so that means i need to find a way to get a new computer as the main class i wanted to take to start myself back in school was an internet course... and not having enter as an option irritates the shit out of me....yay. now how to get this all taken care of ....

I need to get out of this area entirely.

I have gotten myself enrolled in tech, although I have yet to register for classes. All in all, I basically need to take their university level (as in calculus-based) physics, organic chemistry, biochemistry, and then anatomy/physiology so I can have my crazy study extravaganza for the MCATs. This summer, I intend to take a survey of organic chemistry course online and then whatever real, on their campus course I think will fit best into my work schedule. I normally wouldn't take sciences online but as this is to prepare for a standardized (difficult standardized, but still standardized) test and I actually am pretty decent at chemistry I think the online version of organic will suffice.

Still looking for more illustrious jobs than my current job, but I have to say I've been enjoying slacking off. Did apply for a pt receptionist gig today, would fit in fine as an addition to current job, but i'm not holding my breath there...

Little sis turns 21 on saturday. parents and sis coming to town for the affair...

really, my life is not very interesting. going back to watching the evil television now.

Truly amazing that I am not in the least bit hung over after yesterday's brilliant day off, full of revelry.

So I got fired from my snooty fine dining job and found a new job while drinking away the hilariousness of them firing me when I'd been trying to figure out how to quit and where to go if I quit for a month. I now, for .75 cents less per hour, do less than 1/4 the amount of work I did in an entire shift at the Red Drum working in a laid back, easy, burgers and fries type kitchen out at Folly Beach. This will of course have to be relatively temporary but my friend Eric is the kitchen manager and I can get as many hours as I want and if the plan works out, if I go back to school I can also get that worked around much more easily than my old job. As in I could actually have afternoon/evening classes on occasion which is good because it seemed like most of the classes I needed to be able to pass the mcats were going to interfere with my old work schedule.

speaking of that going back to school business, i really need to contact the admissions at tech as i submitted an application online, their application fee went through and all, and i haven't heard shit back from them, not even one sad sad mailer brochure. i know it's tech, but at least acknowledge that i want to give you money so i can learn things. slackasses.

ooh! and just bought against me tickets. so having a hard time believing they're actually coming to the holy city. april 28th at the pour house if anyone who lives nearby is interested (although I think they're also hitting atlanta which is closer to most of the localish people i have as friends on lj anyways) i figure those tix and some drinks and maybe some dorkass camera shit should count for james' bday gift next month and actually get me some fun fun as well.

anyways, as usual, my attempt at an entry has turned out to be more of a to-do list. it ends here.

since recent problems have popped up in my relationship (all my fault, i assure you) i have this urge to either hurt myself or abandon everything i've put years into now as a result.

i don't know what the fuck to do.

i love him, but i think considering he sees me as his one and only and i see a multitude of opportunities that things are done. but they're not. we're working this out.... and i don't know if i'm doing enough of the work.

once again i feel like i am heartless and somehow wrong. but i know i wouldn't be feeling these things if it weren't just how i see it all.

i am not meant for monogamy.

went to circuit city today to price check a cd player for my car, also had a friend promise me their speakers from their old car (too big to fit in their new, and perfect for my car) for free. so yay. will be accomplishing things with the tax refund when it comes in, even if those things are rather lame but shit i've put off forever. planning on getting my bumper and mirror painted and having a friend put them on for beers. also considering buying a nice chef's knife, but i really need to save some so i figure it's cd player or knife, as i have something passable for work as long as i keep it sharp

other projects: got sewing machine from mom, need to buy a card table or something so i can set it up in the extra bedroom and then? i don't know. i need curtains so i guess i could do that quite easily. (have really only used a sewing machine like 4 times in my life) but yes, curtains and perhaps some skirts (i just want to make my own, cheaper version of the wrap skirts i'm in love with from various hippieish clothing stores--beautiful skirts and fabrics, ridiculously expensive) i can surely make something equally comfy and almost as cute. at least with practice

touch up (and finish) recent dyejob. had finished a bottle of sweet tea vodka with tommy by the time we finished bleaching and manic panic-ing the underlayer of my hair red (although we were drunk and did not apply well or mainly not very evenly so a lot of it was pink even before the week of hair washings) and i never got around to dyeing the rest of my hair black. i have to hit up sally's first to purchase more pillarbox red, as i didn't realize going in that my hair is actually fucking long now. and having not dyed it in long enough that my hair was entirely natural and healthy, it soaked up a lot of dye. it's pretty thick.

ooh. got a massage today as an anniversary gift (not from james, thank god-he has this great way of not helping in spite of intending to, was a gift certificate for a spa) definitely fun although not something i would ever spend money on for myself, and i have to say i didn't like being all oily either. sort of reminded me of getting out of work every night, except without the reek of the line on me as well.

yes, i'm nuts.

This week:
-actually fold/put away the weeks of clean laundry in various baskets
-clean kitchen
-clean bathroom/unclog annoying slow drain in shower
-remember to put out recycling bin tues night
-do something decent for self
-steer clear of beam at all costs for sake of productivity